


Tears left to shed

by SheenaWilde



Category: Paradise Lost - John Milton
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Happy Ending, M/M, sort of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-04
Updated: 2017-04-04
Packaged: 2018-10-14 15:18:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,925
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10539129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SheenaWilde/pseuds/SheenaWilde
Summary: After the war, after Adam and Eve left the Garden of Eden, Gabriel meets Lucifer for the first time.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This was a hard work for me. I tried to word it carefully, elegantly, but I only learned English, so it wasn't an easy task. I hope I used every expression right. Feel free to correct me if not.

Gabriel stood frozen in place, staring at the person in front of him. His heart was beating faster, his breath hitched and there was a whirlwind of emotions inside him, swirling so wildly that it completely muted him. It had been so many years since the War, so many years since he had last seen him, and yet so few. Too few to make him forget enough to be able to utter anything sensible when faced with him.

“Lucifer…” he breathed in the end, his voice barely above a whisper as his dark eyes met with sky blue ones.

“Gabriel. It’s been a while” the former archangel replied with a light smile, too small and too happy to be sincere, yet Gabriel could see the intention behind it, the will to make this encounter as peaceful and easy as possible.

“Yes, it has” he agreed with a slow nod of his head, and it only now occurred to him how blatantly he was staring. He quickly cast his eyes downwards, then to the side – he was not a child who made mischief and was waiting to be punished to stare down at his feet in shame, no; he was the one who hadn’t erred, who had kept himself to God’s word. It should be Lucifer to turn his eyes away in shame, Gabriel decided, but even so, while he lifted his chin, he could not bring himself to look into his eyes again.

“I have been around the Earth, it is curios to only meet you now” Lucifer said, and his voice was kept cheerful willfully, it was obvious for Gabriel’s ears.

“It is not. I have mostly stayed back in Heaven. I have only left if the Lord explicitly asked me to” Gabriel replied with a cold voice. He didn’t care to keep up pretenses. The war had been fought and was over with, but he wasn’t going to disregard it. He couldn’t, not after so little time had passed.

“I see your anger for me hasn’t dissipated yet” Lucifer noted, his voice small and laced with disappointment. Bitter annoyance flared up in Gabriel at those words. Lucifer did not possess the right to be disappointed in him, to make him feel guilt over his cold demeanor toward him - it was all his doing, after all. No one compelled him to lead the Rebellion.

“You are expecting me to forgive you too quickly. It is not that easy to earn my forgiveness” he answered, glancing at the fallen angel’s face briefly, then turned his head away again. “For you, especially so.”

“Gabriel…” Lucifer breathed, sad and pleading, his sorrowful eyes still watching the archangel. “Everything that had happened had to happen that way. With Father’s rigorousness, it was inevitable.”

“No, it was not!” Gabriel cried and now his pain broke through the cold surface he was fighting to keep up. Grief contorted his face and he held back tears threatening to form in his eyes. He was ever the weakest of them, but he wouldn’t let Lucifer see him weep for him once again… Never again.

***

_It was night when Gabriel descended to Earth and sat down on a hilltop not far from the Gates of Eden but out of sight of its guardians. He came here to be alone in his grief, far from the concerned eyes of his brothers and further from the treason of Lucifer. He could not bear to stay in Heaven while this foolish argument between him and the Father continued, slowly blossoming into what seemed like inevitable war. Gabriel resented war, resented violence, resented hate. He loved Lucifer still, and he would continue to do so even if the war did come to happen – but his heart was breaking over the very thought itself. He hoped against hope and prayed to his Father to be merciful with Lucifer through whatever storm loomed over them. He could not suffer to witness Lucifer being slain, much less perform it himself. Although he highly suspected Michael to be appointed for that task if anyone, as he was the second most powerful between them, after Lucifer himself._

_Gabriel stared up at the starry sky, uncaring of the tears falling from his eyes as the dread of what was going to come consumed him. He feared for his brother, as beloved by him as the others, but he was not blind to the dangerous path he chose to walk. Against all reason he was still firm in his belief that Lucifer could see the error of his ways and accept the role their Father cast upon him. Yes, he stood by this, no matter the evidence the behavior of Lucifer itself presented to him._

_He bowed his head, sobbing silently in the starlight. He wished so hard that he was right, he hoped so much, even though none of his brothers agreed with him. Michael had called him naïve the other day, had told him his love for Lucifer blinded him. He had denied the truth in his words then, but doubt bloomed in him upon hearing what Lucifer spoke. Michael, however cruel he might appear, was a good observer._

_“Gabriel… Why do you weep?” A gentle hand touched his shoulder and a soft, concerned voice reached his ears. There was no need for Gabriel to look up to recognize Lucifer as he knelt beside him. “What has upset you so badly that you came here all alone?”_

_“You” Gabriel breathed the word through his tears, not raising his gaze at Lucifer._

_“Me? Oh, Gabriel…” Lucifer whispered sorrowfully and his voice didn’t seem surprised in the least. He was aware of the pain he was causing, it told Gabriel._

_Suddenly two hands grasped his, making him look up at Lucifer in surprise and blink away the tears. Then he had two strong arms envelope him in a warm, gentle embrace, and he felt Lucifer’s breath sweep over the skin on the back of his neck as he spoke._

_“It never was in my intentions to hurt you, dearest. I wish there had been a way to avoid it but now I cannot do anything about it. I must only hope for your forgiveness, your understanding” Lucifer whispered as he held Gabriel tightly in his arms._

_“You can hope for my forgiveness, for you might be able to earn it still” Gabriel answered, his voice filled with the sadness he felt but his arms came up around Lucifer’s form, too, returning the embrace and he let his head rest on his shoulder. “But you shall never have my understanding.”_

_“Is that so… It pains me to hear you say that but I have no choice but accept it” Lucifer said softly, his voice filled with dejection. He pulled back from Gabriel enough to look at his eyes but didn’t let him out of his arms yet. “I believe I have always known you would never disagree with Father but I hoped-” he stopped abruptly, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth for a moment before continuing. “It has been foolish of me.”_

_“Lucifer…” Gabriel began gently, laying a hand on the other’s face in compassion but not regret. But before he could think of something more to say, warm lips met his own, capturing them in a soft kiss. Gabriel gasped in surprise but Lucifer seemed unfazed, kissing him patiently and intent on waiting for him to return it. And he wasn’t waiting in vain – Gabriel found himself unable to resist him, unable to resist his kiss when it was so gentle, so full of love and passion. He was surrounded by Lucifer, his arms, his scent, his emotions, and he didn’t want to pull away from it._

_The kiss did end eventually and he looked at Lucifer’s eyes in a daze. His hands fisted in the fabric of Lucifer’s clothes and he kept him close firmly._

_“Don’t do this, Lucifer, please. Don’t rebel against Him” he asked, he pleaded, but his voice was confident, unwavering. “Don’t leave me.”_

_“I_ cannot _, Gabriel. As much as I’d like to stay with you… I cannot abandon my cause” Lucifer said, his voice silent and full of regret._

_“If it’s like that” Gabriel responded immediately and freeing himself from Lucifer’s embrace firmly, stood. “Then we have nothing more to discuss.”_

_With those words, he flew up in a flutter of wings and didn’t look back down on the shocked Lucifer he left behind._

_The next day on the battlefield his eyes were as fierce as his blade when he stood next to Michael._

***

“Gabriel…” Lucifer stepped closer to him hurriedly, worry appearing on his face and he reached a hand out with the purpose of laying it on his shoulder, but Gabriel jerked away from his touch.

“Don’t. Don’t you act like you care!” he glared at Lucifer, still fighting those stupid, stupid tears that desperately wanted to be shed. “I shall not be so naïve again to believe that you cared about me. You betrayed God, betrayed Heaven and betrayed me. I may forgive you one day, but I will never be your friend again. Today, you are far from even my forgiveness.”

He spoke as sternly as he could, trying to imitate the way Michael acted, use the words that he would. Then with a final look at the fallen angel in front of him, he moved to go past him, to leave him and go on with his own business.

But it wasn’t so easy to escape Lucifer – he grabbed Gabriel’s arm, his grip gentle but strong, and stopped him. There was only a moment of hesitance before he pressed a chaste, longing kiss on Gabriel’s lips. Then moving back, but his grip never loosening, he looked into the archangel’s eyes.

“I care about you, Gabriel. I care about you deeper than I wish to, deeper than it is perhaps wise for me to” Lucifer confessed, his gaze steady on him. “Yet, I cannot find it in myself to loathe this feeling. On the contrary, I treasure it more than anything else. Please, do not reject me so. All I ask of you is to remain my friend.”

“You do not seem to want merely friendship” Gabriel answered dryly, looking back at the other warily but he made no effort to move away, to free his arm.

“I cannot – I _will not_ – deny my affections for you” Lucifer smiled a smile so sweet that Gabriel never thought to have ever see on him again, and turned his head away. “But I am content to have your friendship until you deem me worthy of more. If that day never comes, then so be it. I miss your company, more so than you would think. It is… surprisingly lonely to rule over Hell.”

Gabriel couldn’t respond to that in words, so he freed his arm from Lucifer’s loosened grip and drew him into an embrace. There was no need for words between them at that moment – all that needed to be spoken had already been. Gabriel, after so many years and despite everything that had happened, relished in Lucifer’s company.

“I can offer you my friendship” he said silently, his arms still around Lucifer, and he closed his eyes as he buried his face into the dark fabric of his clothes. “But anything more, my trust, my love, my affections – you have to work hard for.”

“That is a deal I can keep myself to” Lucifer smiled happily and held Gabriel just a little more tightly.


End file.
